School was bad today, I don't think I could really pay attention. So many times I wanted to just run to the bathroom and cry. Was it my fault? maybe... I was going through the whole day thinking that I was a bad friend, like I could have done something different. I don't want to be that person to anyone. I just want to be there if anyone ever needs anything. If they ever have a bad day and just need to call someone. Everyone would love to have someone to turn to, you never know when you might need someone. I'm glad that I have someone like that. I just wanted them to know that I would be there for them.

I've been praying all day and thinking about the worst. No doubt in my mind though, that He heard every single prayer.

"Friends are what makes the world go round."
I don't think I could go without any of my friends. I love them all so much for different reasons. I've learned to accept them for who they are, not for the things the've done wrong. Kind of like Jesus does for us. He knows we live sinful lives, but yet at the end of the day he still loves us for who we are.

"Love your enemy as yourself."
I try to do that, not just say I'm going to because it's in the bible. When I promise something, I try to stick to it. When I love someone, I don't dwell on their wrongs.
Why do I love them? Because God loves them, and he wants me to love them. He also wants me to love you. And I promised that I would, not matter what.

I'm sorry for the hurt I may have caused you, I promise you it wasn't on purpose. I wouldn't ever want to hurt someone I love. Someone I call my best friend. When people say things bad about you, I stick up for you. Maybe I could have done things different.
I love you
"So faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

God bless.
court.

I'm sorry for the way I've been acting everyone...
I've been a brat, & I keep telling myself that I have a reason to be a brat..but I really don't.
I know I'm not doing what God wants me to do.. & I know I'm forgiven for it.
But I don't want to have to make excuses for myself everyday. I'm not perfect.

Things just keep hitting me harder and harder.. one moment I think it will be fine, and the next moment.. BAM! something hits me again. It doesn't make me doubt God at all, It just makes me closer and closer to losing my relationship with him. It's not that I'm always questioning why this happened to me, it's what I do in those particular decisions in my life. Do I choose the easy way..and do what everyone around me does? Or do I choose the hard way and do what God wants me to do? I find myself taking the easy way out of it almost everytime.

 I know I have people who love me, it's just sometimes I want someone who loves me more than anyone else in the world..someone who takes time out of their busy life just to stop by and say "hey, how are you?". I love my friends to death, and every single one of them is exactly what I need out of a friend. But they have lives too..you know? I mean, I can't expect to them wait on me every moment of their day and think "oh my gosh.. I wonder if courtney is okay". But that's what God's there for right? He's not a backup incase one of my friends can't call me one evening... He should be my everything. He should be the one that loves me more than anyone else in the world (well he loves everyone the same...but you get the picture,lol). & he does. So why don't I not take the hard way out and have God help me? He never ever promise life would be easy..and in my case it's definitely not.

People have been dissapointing me alot lately.. They might not be doing anything wrong. But everyone in my life I feel has a certain purpose..and sometimes when they don't meet that certain purpose that I set for them, I often feel like they've failed. Even though they haven't. It's not my purpose they should live up to.. and that's where I go wrong. It's God purpose. If someone fails why do I look down on them? It's not my position to do that, it's God's.
When I was younger my brother would do something wrong, and I would always tell him that's not right.. & then my mom would come over and say "Courtney you don't have a right to punish him, you're not the mother.. I am".
Usually I would just blow her off and think "yeah whatever mom"..but as I get older I see that it's true.
It's not our position to look down on others when they do wrong, especially since we do some of the same things and we're not any better than them. It's God's..
God says "love your neighbor as yourself"..or our most common one "love your enemy as yourself".
He doesn't say "Look down on those who do wrong". So why do I constantly do that?

I guess what I'm saying guys is that I need some major prayers. Especially for me and my mom. I don't agree with some of the things that she's done.. but I continue to be rude to her and disrespect her.
I hope you guys have a great week.
God bless.
court.

God gives us his word for a reason right?
For a while I was afraid to go to school with my bible with me... I wasn't afraid that people would see me with it and think I was weird, I was more afraid of someonr asking me why I had it with me.. or why I believed in it and not knowing how to respond to them. Since last year I've been through alot...spiritually, physically, and mentally. It hurt while I was going through it, It still hurts....A lot. But I'm starting to realize that God will put you through the same trials over and over again,. Probably because the first time he put me through it I didn't understand why he was doing it and I kept saying, Why me? Why am I going through this? The second time I probably knew that I had to trust God through it...and I thought I was but I was still questioning, I only did it because it says that if you want peace and rest go to the lord and he will give you it. Which is true.. but you have to actually trust in him.. you can't just go to him if your first plan didn't work and you needed a backup plan..you have to really trust in him that he will get you through it.
The third time was when it hit me...
I understood that He's been puting me through all of this because I didn't answer him the other times he tried. All he wanted was for me to trust him.. from the beginning to the end.
I think that if someone were to ask me tomorrow why I brought my bible to school, or why I believed in God I would know what to say. All you have to do is trust. Believe in him, from the beginning and the end. Praise him for everything he puts you through...cause it will only make you closer to him.

"God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were presecuted in the same way."
-Matthew 5:11-12

"Come to  me, all you who are weary and carry heavvt burdens, and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28

Have a great rest of the week & a great weekend!!!
God bless.
-Court

I can't wait for heaven...
seriously.
In life there's just too many paths you can take. The choice is up to us though...and only us. And then sometimes when you choose a path, you find out it's not the one you wanted...but you can't turn back, it's too late. Sometimes the only thing you can do is accept the past and just move on..go on to the next path. Even if you go on though, you can't forget the past, you have to learn from the things you did wrong and make the right choice this time. Sounds scary huh? well  don't worry...I've learned that if you let him, God will be right there with you, urging you forward to take the path he wants you to take. He'll never leave you...trust me.

I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help come from?
My help comes from te Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you--
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor he moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm---
he will watch over your life;
the Lord with watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

--Psalm 121:1-8